Why do tampons have strings?
So you can floss after you eat!
What's the definition of P.M.S?
1.) Permissible ManSlaughter
2.) Possible Murder Suspect
What's the difference between a pitbull and a woman with P.M.S?
Lipgloss!!
Hello!
In case no one has explained it to you yet (you said you didn't totally get it), the reason elephants have trunks is so that they can reach in and pull out the sheep/tampons, because the sheep don't have strings to pull them out with. The second joke is meant to be told right after the first one about elephants using sheep as tampons. :-) Hope that helps. [It does!]
I don't speak Portuguese but my take on the joke was that the salesman was pointing out to the customer that if his wife had her period, he had better find something to do with his weekend that did not include her.That is how he suckered him into buying so much "manly" sports equipment.
What did the vampire say to the high school girl?
See you next period!
Two lesbian vampires are "doing it."
At the end, one says, "Bye, I hope to see you after 28 days!"
Dear Harry,
I was just reading your humor pages and thought I might be able to clarify a word for you. Espantado, in Spanish (which I speak) in addition to meaning frightened also means amazed, awed, etc. I believe the manager would have felt these rather than having been afraid of the salesman's skill.
I had heard this joke before from my father in a slightly expanded version. It's easier to say jokes than write them down with proper comedic effect.
Humorously Yours!
How can you tell if your bartender is mad at you?
You find a string in your Bloody Mary!
What would a used tampon be good for?
A vampire's tea bag!
What does an elephant use for tampons?
Sheep!
Why do elephants have trunks?
Sheep don't have strings!
Why do pubic-hair crabs like tampons?
Because they can go bungee jumping on the string!!!
How do you know when your pet elephant is on her period?
Your mattress is missing!
I know a woman who has a pink, frilly mouse pad by her computer. She calls it her feminine pad.
What's the difference between a Toyota and a tampon?
A Toyota doesn't come with a tow rope.
A new salesman of a department store went to assist a customer and sold him a fishing pole, hook, fishing clothes, boots, and an inflatable boat with a motor at the stern. The frightened manager asked the salesman how he had made such a large sale. The salesman then said that when the client arrived at the store asking where he could buy a Tampax, the salesman asked the customer "[And] What are YOU going to do this weekend"?
How did the Red Sea get it's name ?
Cleopatra used to bathe there periodically.
A vampire comes into a grocery/butcher shop and asks for a loaf of bread and half a litre of blood. Gets it, pays and leaves.
Several days later, he comes again, and buys the same.
And still later, there he is again, asking only for a loaf of bread. The shop attendant, used by then to the vampire's shopping list, asks, "And what about half a litre of blood. Don't you want it?"
"No, no," replies the vampire, "not this time - my wife is menstruating."
What do two lesbians on their period do instead of sex?
Finger paint.
I think the Female Crucifixion is right on. I hate cramps.
Did you hear about the two vampires standing on the corner, chewing the rag?
A man is standing behind a woman at a bus stop and notices that she has a tampon hanging out of her mouth.
He taps her on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, but do you realize you have a tampon hanging out of your mouth?"
"Mouth?"
She looks at him in horror and says, "Oh, my God! What did I do with my cigarette!?"
Hi Harry,
I wrote you last week and congratulated you on the museum. While looking at it this morning I found myself on the humor page. I found the badly translated tampon joke and I agree, I didn't get the joke either.
After thinking on it a while I think I know what it is.
It reminds me of a joke that was told frequently during my high school days, the late 1970s, and refers to many commonly seen advertisements for feminine hygiene products that were popular at the time. It goes like this.
A husband and wife were talking one morning. The wife told her husband that their son's birthday was the next day and that he should ask him what he would like for it.
That night the woman said, " Did you ask Junior what he would like for his birthday?"
"Yes," said the husband, "but it's very strange. He said he wants a tampon."
"Oh, dear, that IS strange," said the wife. "There must be some mistake. I'd better have a talk with him."
So the wife goes to her son's room to ask him about it.
"Son, your father tells me you want a tampon for your birthday. Is that true?"
"Yes, Mom, it is," said Junior.
"But son," said the mother,"why do you want a tampon for your birthday?"
"Because," said the son, showing her an advertisement for Tampax, "it says here that with a tampon I can go swimming, play baseball, go canoeing and fishing . . . ."
This may or may not clear up the mystery of the joke. [I think it does!] I was thinking that the person coming into a sporting goods store may have read the same advertisement. Whether or not you agree, could you add this joke to your humor page? I would appreciate it very much.
Thanks again and keep up the good work.
The
woman who donated the Halloween costume made
of menstrual pads told me this joke after looking at the Cathy Rigby advertisement
for Stayfree menstrual pads, at left, hanging on a wall in the museum (see
also the Cathy Rigby page). 
French version, probably the original
A translation from the United
KingdomI have yet another story from Tample Hygenica.
It seems we have discovered why Diareesha Stankmaxima (Liz) has turned out the way she has.
Liz's family has a pet ferret, which they, for some strange reason, keep in the bathroom. Liz's mother noticed that when she uses the bathroom while menstruating, the ferret became severely agitated (as opposed to a ferret's normal state, that being merely "very agitated"). As a small experiment, Liz's mother decided to place her used maxipad up against the side of the ferret's cage. The ferret went insane, and began throwing itself against the pad wildly, growling (inasmuch as an oversized, elongated, amphetaminic rat can growl), and attempting to get at Liz's mother. Liz's mother, henceforth referred to as Mater Stankmaximae, came out of the bathroom, told her story, and made the conclusion that "the ferret is a pervert."
The only thought in Diareesha's head was thus: "She's calling the ferret a pervert?!"
Yours,
Tampaxia Kotexis Gonorrhissima Jones, High TamPriest of Tample Hygenica